After 37 years of leadership, I've realised something quite important. I wouldn't be the leader I am today if I'd tried to figure it all out on my own.
I've needed people.
People who believed in me before I believed in myself. People who encouraged me. People who challenged me. And people willing to ask questions I didn't necessarily want to answer.
One of the most significant examples happened when some of my leaders asked me to come to their house because they needed to have a difficult conversation with me about some of my lifestyle choices.
I had a choice.
I could deny it. I could defend myself.
Or I could say:
“Yes. I know what you're talking about.”
The conversation was pivotal.
There were consequences either way, but acknowledging what they were saying gave me a route back into leadership.
I'm incredibly grateful they were willing to have that conversation with me.
They did it because they loved me. They saw God's hand on my life. They wanted to protect the purpose and destiny they believed was on my life.
I might not be doing what I'm doing today if they hadn't been willing to have that conversation.
It taught me something that has stayed with me:
Sometimes the people who help us grow most are the people willing to tell us the truth.
Who is helping you grow?
I've been thinking about this a lot recently.
We spend an enormous amount of time thinking about the people we lead.
But who is helping you grow?
After 37 years, I've found that I need at least three kinds of people around me.
1. Someone who believes in me
We all need someone who can see something in us that we can't yet see ourselves.
That's how my leadership journey started.
When I was 19, Kevin and Tina Hudson asked me to lead a youth group.
They saw something in me. They gave me an opportunity. Their belief helped me get started.
But eventually, we have to begin believing that we can lead too.
2. Someone who challenges me
This is harder. We don't naturally enjoy being challenged, especially when we're convinced we're right.
But Proverbs 27:17 says:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
The people who challenge us aren't necessarily our critics. They may be some of the people who love us most.
The question is whether we're humble enough to listen.
3. Someone who helps me think
Sometimes we don't need someone to tell us what to do, we need someone who asks a better question.
Someone who brings another perspective. Someone who helps us see something we've become too close to see.
Someone who can say:
“Have you thought about it this way?”
That's incredibly valuable.
Leadership development is relational
This isn't just something I've experienced personally. The Centre for Creative Leadership's Lessons of Experience research, conducted over many years, contributed to what became known as the 70-20-10 framework for leadership development.
The framework highlights three broad sources of development: challenging experiences and assignments, developmental relationships with other people, and formal coursework and training. CCL describes the framework as a guideline rather than a rigid formula, but the message is important: leadership development doesn't happen simply by sitting in a classroom.
We grow through experience, through relationships and through reflection and learning.
This is something I've certainly discovered over 37 years of leadership.
It's worth thinking about.
We can read the books. Listen to the podcasts. Go to the conferences. Watch the leadership videos. Take the course.
All of those things have value, but leadership is ultimately lived out in relationships and real situations.
We need people alongside us as we navigate those experiences.
People who encourage us.
People who challenge us.
People who help us process what is happening.
So, who do you have?
Here are three questions I'd encourage you to sit with this week:
Who believes in me?
Who sees something in me that I may not yet see in myself?
Who challenges me?
Who loves me enough to tell me the truth?
Who helps me think?
Who gives me a different perspective and helps me see what I can't see on my own?
Here's the more uncomfortable question:
Do I actually have all three?
And perhaps there's another question we need to ask:
Am I that person for someone else?
Leadership isn't simply about becoming a better leader ourselves. It has to be about helping other leaders become better too.
Hebrews 10 encourages us to think about how we can “spur one another on” and to keep encouraging one another.
This is a beautiful picture of leadership development. Not one person standing at the front with all the answers, but leaders helping leaders grow.
Why I'm building the Lead You Collective
This is a big part of why I've been thinking about the Lead You Collective.
I'm planning to launch the Founders group in January 2027.
I don't want it to be another place where leaders simply consume more leadership content. I want it to be a place where we work on our leadership.
Where we can learn. Reflect. Ask difficult questions. Be challenged. Share what we're discovering. Learn from other leaders. And actually put things into practice.
After 37 years of leadership, I don't believe I have all the answers.
In fact, I've become increasingly convinced that I don't need to have all the answers.
I need to remain teachable. I need people around me who will tell me the truth and I need to keep growing.
Perhaps you do too.
A question for this week
Who are the three people helping you become the leader you're becoming?
And then ask yourself:
Who am I helping to become a better leader?